


Catnip

by maria_j_harper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Intoxication, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 08:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2061747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_j_harper/pseuds/maria_j_harper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do you remember John spraying Karkat's clothes with catnip before his first date with Nepeta?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catnip

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are currently sitting in a cab with a crazy cat girl's face buried in your chest. You are going to kill John.

Hours earlier, but not many.

"Come on Karkat, I'm trying to help you out here!"  
"No."  
"You're too late, I already did it."  
"WHAT? No! Why the fuck did you do that without asking me first? Who the fuck sprays someone else's clothes with catnip? She's going to be here any minute! How am I going to wash my clothes in time? Damn it John, that's my best outfit! It's my ONLY outfit that isn't grey, grey, and more grey!"  
"Maybe it won't be as bad as you're making it out to be. She might not even notice the smell. Either way, you'd better go change. Like you said, she could be here any minute."  
"Fine. I platonic hate you so fucking much right now." You storm off to your room and take off your day clothes. You wash your face and apply deodorant liberally. Maybe if you use enough, it will mask the smell of the catnip. You put on the outfit you picked out for the date. You sniff your arm. Gog, it smells terrible!  
The doorbell rings, and you trip over yourself in your rush to answer it. Nepeta stands in your doorway, smiling. She looks absolutely gorgeous. She's wearing a cute green dress with a dark red sash around the waist. She looks up at you shyly. She seems taller not being dwarfed by her usual over-sized coat.  
"Hi Karkitty, are you ready to go?"  
"Yeah, sure. You look amazing."  
"Not too bad yourself!" She says. Then her nose gives a little twitch. "Karkitty... are you wearing purrfume?"  
"No. Maybe. It's John's fault, okay?"  
She giggles. "You smell nice! ...Really nice."  
Good god, she actually likes this stuff? How deep does her meowbeast thing go? Well all's well that fucking ends well, you suppose.  
"Right, well, come on." You lead the way outside. "The theater isn't far. I thought we could walk. Or if you'd rather not, we could probably catch the bus."  
"A walk sounds nice!" She says, taking your hand. You try to relax, but you know your hand is way too sweaty, and that's making you sweat even more. Fuck, why do you have to be such a nervous recuperacoon-wetting pansy?  
"So what movie are we going to see, Nepeta asks."  
"Nepeta, can we please not do the fucking role-play thing?"  
"Sorry, I was just trying to break the ice."  
"No, I'm sorry," you say, massaging your brow. "I'm an ass-hole. You go ahead and talk in the third person if you want to."  
"It's okay Karkitty. I know you're just a bit nervous. I actually like it when you get your fur all ruffled, especially over me." She rests her head on your shoulder as you walk. "You're just my cute little Kit-Kat," she murmurs.  
You growl a little to show your dislike of the nick-name, but don't actually put up too much resistance. She starts walking a little slower, but you don't really notice that something is up until you feel a slight moisture on your shoulder.  
You look over to see that she has a faint smile on her lips, which would be cute if not for the glassy expression in her eyes. "Nepeta, you're drooling on my shoulder."  
"Huh?" She blinks placidly. "Oh. Sorry Karkitty, you just... smell so good. Where did you get that purrfume? It's very nice. I want to get some for all my furends. Especially Equius, he's stinky."  
You turn her to face you. She continues smiling, and you can see that her pupils are threatening to take up all of her eyes. "Oh my god, you're high."  
"What? 'M not high. How could I be high? It's not like I've been drinking sopurr slime."  
"I cannot fucking believe this, John sprayed catnip on my clothes, and now you're high."  
"Oh. Catnip? Oh. Maybe you have a point then. Come on Karkitty, let's sit down. I don't wanna watch a movie any more. That's a funny word, movie. Movie. Moooovie." She walks toward a street bench. You try to resist, but she still has an iron grip on your hand. She's very strong, and she sits you down firmly on the bench. She curls up next to you, and buries her nose in your shirt. She lets out a contented purr.  
"Nepeta, maybe I should take you home."  
"But Karkittyyyy, our date was only just getting started!" She whines. "Let's just stay here for a little while." She nuzzles her head into your chest and purrs.  
You know that the responsible thing to do would be to make her go home, but looking at her sweet face makes your heart melt, and you delicately stroke her hair, brushing it out of her face. "Yeah, okay, we can stay a little while."  
You sit there cuddling for an eternal moment. If someone had asked you how much time you had spent there, you would have honestly told them that they could fuck off, because you didn't fucking know.  
"I'm hungry," Nepeta says suddenly.  
"You have food at home," you feel obliged to point out.  
"Karkittyyy, this is a date! You're supposed to buy me food!"  
Nepeta got whiny when she was on catnip. "Alright, fine, look, there's a taco stand over there. Let's go."  
"Yay!" She jumps up. When you get up too, she latches onto your arm. Apparently she's also really clingy when she's on catnip.  
You walk over to the taco stand. "Hi, four tacos, no sweet peppers." You hate sweet peppers. They're a fucking vegetable, why the fuck are they sweet?  
"Actually, make that eight please," Nepeta says.  
You turn to her. "Eight tacos?"  
"I'm really hungry!"  
You sit at a table and eat your tacos. You only eat two. Nepeta eats the rest with a kind of persistent determination.  
"Wow, you weren't kidding. Are you ready to go home now?"  
She thinks about this, and then nods emphatically. "Yes. Only... I don't think my legs agree. Will you carry me Karkitty?"  
"Nepeta, you're taller than me. I literally cannot carry you. Let's call a cab instead."

You come home to the apartment you share with your supposed friend covered in drool and several shallow claw marks. John has been waiting up for you, and when you walk through the door he stifles a laugh.  
"Thanks a lot Egbert, you ruined my best shirt." You growl, showing him where Nepeta's playful claws had ripped through the fabric.  
"You mean I made your girlfriend ruin your shirt. You're welcome."  
"I will kill you Egbert, I swear to that motherfucking pedantic ass-hole who is also somehow troll-Jegus."


End file.
